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Strange Future
In the future....
  • All foods will be made into jerky-- The Chic will stroll along Rodeo Drive while chawin' on big hunks o' caviar.

  • Hertz will rent super powers-- Those who choose psychokinesis must shell out for the damage waiver.

  • Paul McCartney will admit that he has, in fact, been dead since 1965-- But, he explains, his body cannot rest until it owns the publishing rights to every Top-Ten hit.

  • Warner's "Placebo" will be the feel-good movie of the year-- The film won't really be entertaining, but people will think it is.

  • Asexual harrassment will be a crime-- Deemed a form of descrimination, millions will be arrested for not making advances toward the unappealing.

  • Wristwatch-sized Karma indicators will let people know when their luck is running out-- The youth version, the Santa Claus-O-Meter, helps keep kids in line.

  • Boyz II Men will drop their hip-hop-doo-wop sound and become a nihilistic industrial band-- They'll call themselves Men II Corpsyz.

  • Shane will come back-- MacArthur will return.
And, as always...
  • The present will be the past-- And, of course, the future will be the present. There will be no future.
Visit the 6/29/95 Future

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