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Strange Future
7/14/95
In the future....
  • The speed of light will be reduced to 55mph-- Sure it'll wreak havoc with the Laws of Physics, but it'll save lives.

  • Great art will come in aerosol cans-- One spray and the user's walls can be covered by a DaVinci, Van Gogh, or Matisse. Those who don't first clean the nozzles end up with Jackson Pollocks.

  • Magnetic media will replace all paper-- Going to the bathroom will be particularly difficult, giving a new meaning to the phrase "wiping a disk."

  • Drugs will have more specific side-effects-- Rather than causing mere drowsiness, cold tablets will cause users to don kilts and race down the street on mopeds, yelling, "All men die, but not every man really lives!"

  • Stock-market volatility will allow the Amish to buyout Intel-- Their new orchestra-hall-sized, windmill-powered, mechanical "microprocessor" will be more accurate than Pentium.

  • Restaurants will be themed like airplane interiors-- Patrons will pay premium prices to crush into tiny seats and choose from two microwaved entrees. Every two hours or so, the entire restaurant will shake in simulated turbulence.

  • Kevin Costner will market his own cologne, "Flopsweat"-- The slogan: "The scent worn by Wyatt Earp!"

  • What went up will come down-- The spinnin' wheel will spin around.
And, as always...
  • The present will be the past-- And, of course, the future will be the present. There will be no future.
Visit the 7/7/95 Future
Felice

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