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Strange Future
7/25/95
In the future....
  • Anthropologists will locate Noah's Ark-- Finding it will be a simple matter of following a two-by-two trail of droppings.

  • Street-Fighter-type video games will be replaced by Negotiation games-- Infinitely more challenging, it takes kids weeks of play to master the triple-button-push, left-right-up joystick move that causes the Kissinger character to offer Detente.

  • The alphabet will be replaced by punctuation marks-- !@&#: :-:;" , &?:! ?` ;!!.

  • Sesame Street will be renamed Canola Street-- The revamped show will have less fat.

  • Michael Jordan will leave basketball for synchronized swimming-- A spate of celebrities turning to Olympic sports follows, climaxing in Seigfried & Roy competing in the two-man luge.

  • Money will actually talk-- Microscopic sample-playback chips allow George Washington to say "What are ya, a communist? Spend me already!"

  • Gasoline will come in designer fragrances-- Arty gasoline ads prod drivers to "Fill 'er up with Jontue."

  • What goes around will come around-- The early bird will catch the worm.
And, as always...
  • The present will be the past-- And, of course, the future will be the present. There will be no future.
Visit the 7/14/95 Future
Felice

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