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Strange Future
4/17/95
In the future....
  • No one will say "Gesundheit!"--
    People will instead use the phrase "Mmmm! Sneezelicious!"

  • Remnants from celebrity plastic surgeries will be sold on the black market-- Roseanne's chins will go for $30,000 each.

  • Daylight Savings time will be supplanted by Daylight Checking Time-- The new system will allow people to set their clocks back and ahead at will as long as they have two forms of I.D.

  • MCI will offer "cash back" on collect calls-- Their slogan will be "Fleece your friends and family!"

  • Inexpensive enlargement surgery will allow men to have three-foot long penises-- Unfortunately, women will be unable to accomodate the monstrous members and the human race will die off.

  • Evian will introduce "Water Lite"-- Their claim of "half the calories" will be accomplished by simple refrigeration.

  • Compton's Interactive will patent the word "the"-- The ACLU's court challenge will fail, their briefs being unitelligible without the determiner.

  • Insecurity will cause God to admit he's an atheist-- "Sometimes," he'll say, "I just don't believe in myself."

  • Congress will go on strike-- No one will notice.
And, as always...
  • The present will be the past-- And, of course, the future will be the present. There will be no future.
Visit the 4/10/95 Future
Felice

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