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Strange Future
5/1/95
In the future....
  • Justice will be served... with fries!-- Ketchup will be available on appeal.

  • Digital FX will allow Abbott and Costello to star in a new movie-- During the "Who's On First" routine, a frustrated Lou will pull out a Tech 9 and blow Abbott away.

  • Monster Trucks will rule the streets-- Police will patrol in RoboSauruses.

  • Plastic surgery will be supplanted by elastic surgery-- Sub-dermal bungee cords will keep the skin tight and young-looking.

  • The House will pass a ten-year plan to eliminate the deficit through faulty arithmetic-- An amendment ending public school funding guarantees that future generations won't detect the ploy.

  • The FDA will approve an oral contraceptive for men-- Anhauser-Busch will include it in their new "Bud Blank." Slogan: "Do a few shots and shoot Blanks."

  • Mickey Mouse and Jean-Claude VanDamme will co-star in a buddy-action flick-- In times of crisis, Mickey turns to VanDamme and says "Kick his ass, Jean-Claude!"

  • The placement of free samples in newspapers will get out of control-- Paper boys go on strike when Maytag ads include a free Washer-Dryer.

  • Politicians will cease all attempts to censor the Internet when several key Senators are charged with possession of UUENCODED obscene materials in their e-mail in-boxes-- This is NOT a suggestion that anyone send Senators these materials and then inform the FBI. I repeat: This is NOT a suggestion that anyone send Senators these materials (say from a foreign country) and then inform the FBI. I want to be clear on this: It is NOT a suggestion to send Senators these materials....
And, as always...
  • The present will be the past-- And, of course, the future will be the present. There will be no future.
Visit the 4/23/95 Future
Felice

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