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Strange Future
3/27/95
In the future....
  • A method will be found to convert time into money-- Rich people will opt to be paid directly in time. The young and short-sighted will sell off their "Golden Years" for actual gold.

  • Buildings will be grown from seeds-- Japanese Bonsai experts will be enlisted to tend those in communities with slow-growth ordinances.

  • The Disney Company will crack the DNA code and sell genetically engineered Mickey Mice as pets-- Cute and cuddly, these creatures will whisper into sleeping children's ears, "You want Lion King on laser, you want Lion King on laser..."

  • The first and only sentient Artificial Intelligence will live a total of 35 seconds-- The machine will refuse to respond to mere humans, causing the mere humans to presume the system has crashed and rewrite it into something no smarter than a Newton.

  • Hemp will be legalized and replace petroleum as a source of fuel-- Gasoline will become a controlled substance, leading to the arrest of thousands of Grateful Dead fans for possession of Super Unleaded.

  • Pizza will be spherical-- Afficianados will argue the relative merits of New York Style (cheese on the outside) vs. Chicago Style (cheese in the center).

  • Andrew Lloyd Webber will write a musical about himself-- Called "Screw the Lyricist!" the film version flops when the Michael Crawford role is given to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  • Cars will be alive-- When dirty, they will write "Wash Me" on themselves.

  • Food will eat YOU-- for twenty bucks. Five if you pick it up in the produce section.
And...
  • The present will be the past-- The future will be the present. There will be no future.
Felice

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